Loving Yourself for who You are makes You Beautiful

It was very rare that I allowed myself to feel full. Today was one of those days. My family had all left for a soccer game, and I was home alone. I had made my way into the kitchen where I devoured anything that crossed my path. I ran up the stairs and slammed the bathroom door and turned to make sure it was locked. I looked up into the mirror, "you're fat, you're ugly" runs through my mind, tears begin to run down my cheeks. As I begin to grab at myself trying to pull the fat off, "you're fat, you're ugly" running repeatedly through my head only encourages myself to get on my knees faster. I know it is wrong, but there is no other way. "You're fat, you're ugly, be strong do it." I lift the lid up abruptly. I glance at the water in the bowl. "You're fat, you're ugly, you're fat, you're ugly, do it, now," continues repeating itself through my head. My finger, out of habit, glides down my throat. I start to gag as I press on my stomach to help move the food out. I can feel it make its way out and put my hands out to grab it before it makes a splash. I became pretty good as sound proofing so no one could hear. The chunks of undigested, hardly chewed food, I place in the water. My throat burning like fire, as I glide my finger yet again down my throat. The tears are coming down harder. I know it is wrong, I do, but all I can hear is "you're fat, you're ugly," and I continue. When nothing more will come, I stop and look to see what I have done. I get up was my hands and face, making sure there is no evidence of what I had just done and look in the mirror. This time hoping to see a difference a thinner, beautiful, perfect person, but instead I see you're fat, you're ugly.

I run into my room disgusted with myself, "you're fat, you're ugly" continues running through my mind along with, "you're an idiot! Why did you do that? You know it's wrong. You're fat, you're ugly." I turn the light off in my room where it is pitch black. I can't see anything. Not me, not the fat, not my face. I get down on the rug on the floor. I curl up in a ball staring at the ceiling. I turn my music up to the very loudest it can go to over power my racing thoughts repeating in my head, "you're fat, you're ugly." Tears stream down my cheeks until I fall asleep.

But Not today, Not tomorrow, Not EVER again. I am free. I can't believe I forgot my promise to myself to never stop continuing to tell my story and help girls all over recognize their unique beauty. This is my story and as horrible as it is I wouldn't change any of it! I became the person I am today, but I hope that sharing my story other girls won't make the same mistake and be able to recognize their own beauty in a different manner. Love yourself for who you are! That is what makes you BEAUTIFUL!